im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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