I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize