so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
