I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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