dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
