Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Found your dick twin last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
