I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
