please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
