So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
