I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize