He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
