i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
