I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
