ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
