i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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