"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
