I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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