I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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