You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
