**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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