it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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