I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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