Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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