drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
