I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We're too hungover to prance.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
