Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
