if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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