I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
