im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
