But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
