yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
