you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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