FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
