Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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