the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize