Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
