i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
