Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
