i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
