Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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