Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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