I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
