I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
