I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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