Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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