Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
