yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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