He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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