Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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