Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
