he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
