Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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