I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
