When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
