No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
