honey bunches of taint.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
