And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
