what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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