My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
